Love ruins us all

Years ago,
You knew the love I had for you,
You knew I loved you more than I love my life,
You knew that you were everything that made me look forward to waking up each day.

Previously,
I thought that this was it.
Never thought I'd find you after 3 years again.
You said forever.
You spoke of love, marriage, and a future together.
In tears, I confessed about the fear I have of losing you.
With comfort, you assured never again.

Today,
Words, promises, all forgotten by you.
Walking away without the slightest pinch to your heart.
Like as though i never mattered from the very beginning.
Trusted you over & over again though all the lies and bullshit.
And yet, betrayal was what I got back.

Accept it, I have no other choice.
The pain you caused, you didn't care how painful it would be.
Pain so excruciating,
Like something from the insides of your chest slowly trying to eat its way out causing difficulty in breathing and there's nothing you can do to stop it but to curl into a ball, crying with whines, hoping that it goes away soon.

The most frustrating part?
I still can't seem to hate you.